This Monster Truck Rally Is So Late Roman Empire

by trickywicket

Guys, do I even have to say it?

I mean, it’s pretty self-evident at this point.


The Superdome?

Oh salve, Marcus, I’ll meet you at the Colosseum, tomorrow?

Just need to hit up the baths first. They’ve got this new slave girl, Britanica, and she just really gets me. A muse with the olive oil. And, frater, take my word: some serious tittays on her. Makes Poppaea Sabina look like a total gorgon by comparison. Anyways. Colosseum. Tonight should be off the chain. I hear they ordered 9,000 wild animals fresh for the slaughter.

Yeah, from the African colonies. Some really wild stuff. Horned beasts and striped cats and all of that.

I hear they’re just going to hack the fuck out of them with pikes and stuff.

That’ll demonstrate our Eternal Imperial Power, and in no way illustrate a wayward decadence foreshadowing an inevitable decline!

No, dude, it’s like the trailer derby.

Well, there aren’t animals, I know. I wasn’t being literal. I mean, in this extended sense of a collective decadence. Look at these overfed people in their conspicuously comfortable sweatsuits. Just wheeled up in their oversized SUV’s, straight into pay parking, waddled onto the escalators like Temple Grandin’s cows, man.

Advance Auto Parts presents The Grave Digger.

Tire-shaped earmuffs.

It’s totally Roman Empire, right?

I mean, gigantic spectacle in a big building, at least, for the thronging masses gorging themselves, except here it’s super-chilled ten dollar Bud Light can-bottles?

The thirst for destruction?