Things People Do Not Say
1. In a lot of ways, Sufjan Stevens reminds me of my father.
2. Can you do that thing, where you drum along to the song with two pencils?
3. Don’t worry, it happens all the time. I always forget to tell people that I’m gluten free.
4. To be honest, we hired you because of that baja hoodie you wore to the interview.
5. While I do enjoy anime above all other genres, I will admit that I prefer the dubbed versions to the subtitled ones.
6. If this small-press literary journal is going to succeed, we need to stop organizing the issues around vague thematic clusters.
7. Okay, my blog is, on its surface, about organic food and maximizing our organizational potential, but really, I recognize it’s about howling existential dread.
8. We’re having a Twin Peaks and Tyler Perry’s House of Payne marathon.
9. As a Californian, I always say: whatever, it’s just a fucking burrito.
10. I’m sorry. I do not have any pictures of my corgi.