In response to the new Facebook guidelines I hereby declare forsooth, forthwith, and with malice aforethought that heretofore in the above matter pertaining to privacy, by the authority vested in me by the state of Louisiana, the Pelican State, that my copyright is attached to all of my personal odors, doodles, witty status updates, blogercise videos, etc. [as a result of the Balfour Declaration). For commercial use of the above, the prior written consent of Major League Baseball is commanded by Der Kommisar!
Anyone reading this can copy this text and paste it on their Facebook Wall. This will place them under protection of The Imperial Royal Guard. By the present mimeograph, I notify Facebook that it is verboten und ungezogen to skywrite, shadowpuppet, performative dance, or derive butt pleasures against me on the basis of my profile and/but/so its ingredients and shameful bits. The aforementioned prohibited also apply to employees, friends of employees, havers-of-one-night-stands with employees, etc., c.f., w/r/t., under Facebook’s mindspell or operating thetan. The content of this profile is super serial and super secret. The violation of my privacy is punished by laws (NCC-1701: Search For Spock and the Writ of Mandamus).
Facebook is now a constitutional monarchy. All members are recommended to publish a notice like this, or if you prefer, you may copy and paste this modified version. If you do not publish a statement at least once, you will be tacitly allowing the use of elements such as your Farmvilles, your pictures of Thanksgiving dinner, and that one video of your dog wearing a hat. You’re just asking for it and may God have mercy on your soul.